Listen closely to the words people use and you can discover what they're really thinking and feeling. One word that sets off alarm bells for me when I coach people is "should", as in...

"I should have made a different decision."

"I shouldn't have said or done that." 

Using "should" when describing our choices usually indicates that we're in self-blame mode. It's likely we're harshly criticizing ourselves and beating ourselves up. We're likely feeling sad, ashamed, embarrassed, etc. 

How often do you use "should" and how does it make you feel? Not so great I bet. As I like to joke, people "should" all over themselves. Then they wonder why they don't feel so great.

Going into self-blame mode actually stops us from moving forward and doing something to fix the problem. Self-blame wastes time and keeps us in the misery of our mistake, hoping that with enough blame and pain, we'll learn to change.

But real change at a deep, meaningful level never happens with shame.

I do believe that we are all RESPONSIBLE for our actions and our lives. But being responsible does NOT mean we must blame ourselves. I’m not into coaching people by breaking them down. It’s the opposite actually. I want you to see how capable and awesome you are, and take action from that empowered place!

Being responsible means that I have the power to choose what I think, feel, say and do; AND I love and accept myself unconditionally, no matter what. So, if I make a mistake or end up with a result I don't lik...

I know it’s shocking, but imagine this: 

People lived for thousands of years WITHOUT cell phones, iPads, X/Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Netflix, etc. and actually survived. Many of the survivors even managed to live happy, fulfilling lives! :) 

If you use one or more technologies on a daily basis, you know their benefits and you’ve probably felt their costs as well, especially how distracting they can be.

I don’t suggest you throw them all away. I’m actually thankful for the technology that’s allowing you to read this message right now! But...

Ask yourself, "Do I own my device, or does it own me?"

How many times a day do you check for messages, texts, emails, responses, etc.? Do you feel angry, lost or anxious if your service is down temporarily? Consider, are you being the master of technology or its slave?

I invite you to be the master of technology. Here are a few suggestions how:

1. Seek out face-to-face connections too. If you’re waiting for a meeting to start, how about putting down your smart phone and starting a friendly conversation with your colleague who is also waiting? This is how relationships are built. Or if your children are in a performance at school, consider watching and absorbing the proud moment directly too, and not just through the lens of your camera.

2. Check text, e-mail and social media once or a limited number of times a day. Consider the time and energy you spend to take your attention away from whatever you're doing, then pay attention to...

More and more, I hear about people feeling anxious. They feel unsettled and not sure why. Or they have recurring worries or panic attacks.

Have you ever felt like this? 

It's becoming so common that I even heard doctors are now screening for anxiety as part of the annual physical exam. Since I teach seminars and have coached countless people to release their anxiety and develop emotional fitness, I want to share with you my experience:

Anxiety is dislocated fear. 

When we feel "anxious," we're usually afraid of something but we're not sure what that is. On top of it, we may resist or be afraid to even look at our fears, so we remain in a consistent state of anxiety.

Fear (including anxiety) is usually there to try to protect us from some perceived future pain/suffering, so that we'll feel good. Yet, fear comes at a huge cost, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, results-wise and more. Paradoxically, by being afraid we're guaranteed to immediately feel bad, in order to protect us from some future suffering that may never happen. Rather than protecting us, fear literally strips us from the good feeling we want to achieve! 

So, one vital key to overcoming anxiety is...

Get clear about what you fear. As psychiatrist and author Dan Siegel famously said, "Name it to tame it."

When I'm coaching people who feel anxious, I take them through a powerful process I created called Fear into Power™. There are multiple steps to it, but one is to step out of the anxious th...

Have you ever started out with a very clear plan for the day and then something unexpected happens that throws off all your plans? In that moment, we have a choice:

Do we break or do we bend? Choosing to be flexible is a major key to inner peace and happiness.

Change is so often a part of life. We're on our way in one direction and then we need to change course. We think we're going to achieve our goal by doing one thing, but it turns out we need to do another thing instead. Rather than getting stuck, we can get creative. It's important we stay committed to our goals, but flexible in how we achieve them.

We can see flexibility in action in legendary athletes, like the way Kobe Bryant played basketball. Some players are good at shooting the ball from a distance, but not up close; or vice versa. Some shoot well with one hand but not the other. Players with limitations such as these are easier to stop because they don't have many options. They lack flexibility. In contrast, Kobe was able to make a basket from nearly anywhere on the court. He had a large repertoire of moves. If you stopped him one way, he went another. He had tremendous flexibility. 

As a general principle, the more flexible we are in life, the more power we have. And wrap your head around this one: we need to be flexible enough to be inflexible at times, such as standing up for what we believe in.

Life is happening in every moment. The more we accept and adjust to the changes that come our way, the more we...

Think of a time you experienced something amazing and thought, "Wow, what a miracle!" Remember feeling exhilarated, even blissful, definitely grateful.

Now, consider that we often define something as miraculous just because we're not used to it. It's beyond the ordinary. Let me explain...

Imagine if the sun were to rise only once in our lifetime. We would likely drop everything and proclaim it the most miraculous event we'd ever seen! But, because we see the sun every day, we consider it ordinary, normal, natural.

Yet the sun is a miracle! It gives us light, warmth, Vitamin D, and it does so every single day with great precision. Were the sun located just a bit further away or a bit closer than its precise distance of 92,960,000 miles from Earth, then life on our planet would cease to exist.

Miracles are actually happening around us all the time...

When the car stops just in time to avoid a crash. When we catch our toddler's hand just before he falls. When our body heals from illness. When a baby is born. 

Consider that the most sophisticated robot cannot match even a tiny fraction of the magnificent grace and sophistication of your body.  

And, that means each one of us is a product of a miracle! YOU are a miracle!

In fact, the miracle of nature is not to be found only in its once-in-a-lifetime events, but even more so in its regularity. It's the fact that the sun continues to rise each and every day to support our planet that makes it even more of a miracle.

How a...

The best moments of our lives all have this in common: we are fully present during them. Think about that delicious meal when you savored every bite... that deep conversation with a close friend... even that exhilarating ride on the roller coaster. Whatever you were doing when you felt fulfilled, you were totally in the moment and experiencing it fully. If you weren't present, you probably didn't register it as a great time.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in all the things we have to do that we miss what's happening right now. We live mostly in the past, in regret, anger, etc. Or we rush through the day thinking about the next thing, and the next and the next. We live mostly in the future, worrying or thinking "I'll be happy when..." And we only "visit" the present. But, our lives are happening right now, in every moment. So, what can we do?

Live in the present. When appropriate, visit the past to learn from an experience or enjoy a memory, and visit the future to plan for an occasion or set your goals. But, live in the present. Make everything an end onto itself and not just a means, because this is your life right now. All we have is this moment.

Remember...

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.

That's why it's called the present!

Practice being present by tuning in to one or more of your five senses. Notice what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch right now. Do this when you are about to start a conversation with a loved one or begin a...

On Thanksgiving and all around the year, we can be thankful for what we didn't even ask for. Let me explain.

There are numerous blessings showered upon us all day long that we didn't consciously request. Desires we didn't express, prayers we didn't say, wishes we didn't make that were answered anyway. For example...

When we turn the shower on and hot water pours out... let's acknowledge that!

When we go to the store and there is food to purchase... remember during the pandemic when some shelves were empty!

When we put our key in the ignition and our car starts... wow, that's nice!

When we easily breathe, talk, walk, smile, eat day after day... if you've ever had health issues, you know that these are big blessings!

There are so many simple but profoundly important blessings that we may not ask for and yet they happen anyway.

But, we often just expect things to happen. And, since we expected them, we take them for granted. We don't necessarily notice and appreciate how valuable they are to us. We may even be so focused on the relatively few things that are NOT going so well for us at this moment that we totally miss all that IS happening in our favor.

Instead, it's good practice to consciously be aware of and appreciate our blessings. This practice can fill us with tremendous happiness, security and peace, knowing that life is constantly supporting us. Life is not happening to us, but for us! And that feels really good!

I also want to take this moment to recognize and...

Each year at Thanksgiving, we're reminded to be thankful for our incredible blessings in our lives. This year, we realized we've been taking this huge blessing for granted: our freedom.

We've been blessed to be living in the United States for decades. This country was founded on the freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly, and more. In fact, we have freedoms here that people in other countries don't enjoy. We're free to wear whatever we want (not the case in Saudi Arabia), we're free to access information (not the case in China), we're free to own property (not the case in Nigeria), and we're even free to chew gum (not the case in Singapore)! Plus, we have laws protecting us from discrimination, thus protecting our freedoms regardless of race, sex or religion.

This Thanksgiving, my wife Nicole and I are especially thankful for our parents whose courage brought us to the United States in the first place. Nicole is a child of immigrants from Iran and I myself fled Iran with my family at the age of nine. After an 8-month voyage through multiple countries, we finally made it to the land of the free. Our parents, and so many others like them, took an enormous risk to leave their homelands for the United States with its promise of liberty and opportunity. We are thankful for them today. We're also realizing that it's up to each of us to peacefully fight for the freedom we have enjoyed on a daily basis. 

What's blocking the way of our freedoms today? More than anything else,...